*Petrino talks to Agent on phone*
Petrino: Well how much are they offering?... Hmm I don't know how I feel about that city... No I don't have a problem with the air pollution... Well of course I'd quit coaching here in the middle of the season, but only tell them that if they offer me another mil...*to reporter* what was that?
Reporter: I said, Coach Petrino, How do you feel about Texas?
Petrino: Well how much are they offering?... Hmm I don't know how I feel about that city... No I don't have a problem with the air pollution... Well of course I'd quit coaching here in the middle of the season, but only tell them that if they offer me another mil...*to reporter* what was that?
Reporter: I said, Coach Petrino, How do you feel about Texas?
Petrino: Well, it's a good job, but I'm pretty sure they won't fire Mack Brown, and the whole state of Texas is pretty ridiculous.
Reporter: No, Coach, I mean the Texas game this weekend.
Petrino: Oh well it should be a good one, they pay Brown a lot of money, you pay me a lot of money, Everybody should get rich.
Reporter: How do you think the games going to turn out?
Petrino: Why should I give a fuck? As long as we don't beat the spread, I still win a cool $50,000.
*goes back to cell phone*
Petrino: Yeah, I know that I'm not looking to good at Arkansas right now... Well they left the cupboard bare. Besides if it doesn't work out, it's pretty easy to get out of a coaching job by saying that Michael Vick wasn't there. It worked last time.
Reporter: What did you do to start this weekend?
Petrino: Hold on let me get rid of these reporters *back to press* I went on some recruiting trips.
Reporter: Were there any good prospects?
Petrino: Well, I like the facilities and location at UCLA, but I don't know how I feel about being in Pete Carol's backyard. Arizona State was really nice though. Listen. I appreciate you all coming, but I've got a job to get... I mean do. Get in there Dick!
*Casey Dick bows down to him*
Dick: Yessir, Mr. Petrino, sir!
*Faces Reporters*
Dick: Hey dudes! What's shaking?
Reporter: Casey how prepared are you to deal with this Texas team?
Dick: Oh I was born ready! All I really needed was old Trigger here.
Reporter: Trigger?
Dick: BOOM!
*Faces Reporters*
Dick: Hey dudes! What's shaking?
Reporter: Casey how prepared are you to deal with this Texas team?
Dick: Oh I was born ready! All I really needed was old Trigger here.
Reporter: Trigger?
Dick: BOOM!
*Flexes right arm and throws football out of reporters reach, into waiting arms of Alabama defensive back*
Reporter: Isn't that the kind of shenanigans that got you in trouble with Alabama?
Dick: No! I blame the wideouts. It was the offensive line's fault. The fans put too much pressure on me. Besides, where's the fun in playing Quarterback if you can't swing it all over the field?
Reporter: Maybe in Winning?
Dick: Fuck Winning! *Strikes Pose*
Casey Dick for Heisman, bitches!
Reporter: Isn't that the kind of shenanigans that got you in trouble with Alabama?
Dick: No! I blame the wideouts. It was the offensive line's fault. The fans put too much pressure on me. Besides, where's the fun in playing Quarterback if you can't swing it all over the field?
Reporter: Maybe in Winning?
Dick: Fuck Winning! *Strikes Pose*
Casey Dick for Heisman, bitches!
