Monday, September 15, 2008

Arkansas Press Conference: Texas Week

*Petrino talks to Agent on phone*

Petrino: Well how much are they offering?... Hmm I don't know how I feel about that city... No I don't have a problem with the air pollution... Well of course I'd quit coaching here in the middle of the season, but only tell them that if they offer me another mil...*to reporter* what was that?

Reporter: I said, Coach Petrino, How do you feel about Texas?

Petrino: Well, it's a good job, but I'm pretty sure they won't fire Mack Brown, and the whole state of Texas is pretty ridiculous.

Reporter: No, Coach, I mean the Texas game this weekend.

Petrino: Oh well it should be a good one, they pay Brown a lot of money, you pay me a lot of money, Everybody should get rich.

Reporter: How do you think the games going to turn out?

Petrino: Why should I give a fuck? As long as we don't beat the spread, I still win a cool $50,000.

*goes back to cell phone*

Petrino: Yeah, I know that I'm not looking to good at Arkansas right now... Well they left the cupboard bare. Besides if it doesn't work out, it's pretty easy to get out of a coaching job by saying that Michael Vick wasn't there. It worked last time.

Reporter: What did you do to start this weekend?

Petrino: Hold on let me get rid of these reporters *back to press* I went on some recruiting trips.

Reporter: Were there any good prospects?

Petrino: Well, I like the facilities and location at UCLA, but I don't know how I feel about being in Pete Carol's backyard. Arizona State was really nice though. Listen. I appreciate you all coming, but I've got a job to get... I mean do. Get in there Dick!

*Casey Dick bows down to him*

Dick: Yessir, Mr. Petrino, sir!
*Faces Reporters*

Dick: Hey dudes! What's shaking?

Reporter: Casey how prepared are you to deal with this Texas team?

Dick: Oh I was born ready! All I really needed was old Trigger here.

Reporter: Trigger?

Dick: BOOM!

*Flexes right arm and throws football out of reporters reach, into waiting arms of Alabama defensive back*

Reporter: Isn't that the kind of shenanigans that got you in trouble with Alabama?

Dick: No! I blame the wideouts. It was the offensive line's fault. The fans put too much pressure on me. Besides, where's the fun in playing Quarterback if you can't swing it all over the field?

Reporter: Maybe in Winning?

Dick: Fuck Winning! *Strikes Pose* Casey Dick for Heisman, bitches!

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Catlanta gets hit!

Atlanta was a blue place, but Catlanta will soon disperse, and the big blue machine will finish their drink , pack their bags and head home following the overtime victory of Georgia over Kentucky 60-56.

Big Foot Fool: I don’t know what to say about this game, except I love seeing the blue get on the highway and get out of town. In my hotel I heard Kentucky fans complaining on the elevator this morning about not getting to even see their team play, but It’s just deserts for them staying up all night doing their F*cking C-A-T-S cheer and keeping me awake.

JTExperience: Yeah, I almost feel bad for their fans, after having their game rescheduled after last night’s tornadoes, then not even being able to attend today, then losing in overtime...
Heh. Suck it, Kentuck. C-A-T-S CATS CATS CATS!!!

Big Foot Fool: I’m sure the Kentucky players actually prefer to not have their fans at the game. It’s like basketball games with your drunk alcoholic father: you’d almost rather go it alone. Georgia’s players look at that ratty mob of drunken blueberry crazies and just laugh. “Thank God all my Georgia crazies just watch the football team!” they say. Plenty of open seats now.

JTExperience: At least Kentucky has found a kind of equilibrium among the branches of Men’s Athletics…they had a superlative basketball program for so long, complemented by a shitty football team. Now, football has gotten up to mediocre, and basketball met them halfway. They’ve turned into a mediocre, underachieving athletic program with unrealistic expectations, or, the University of Arkansas.

Big Foot Fool: Yeah, but at least they are getting all of the media love to propel them into the NCAA tournament. OH man do you hear that? The bitching about the sideline runner? “Swallowed the Whistle?” Tell you what, how about we decide the game on the floor.

JTExperience: It just gives the sportscasters a chance to swallow Gillespie’s little whistle: “It was a great coaching move; I don’t care that it’s not called often, it was a brilliant coaching move that the officials didn’t call.” [suck, suck, suck, swallow]

Big Foot Fool: Speaking of swallowing, what about all 12 inches that Billy Donovan gave to the worst performers of the SEC tournament, 2-year champion Florida Geightors? I barely had time to see any jorts running away from them ternaders with them getting punked in the first round by Bama.

JTExperience: ‘ey dog, ‘ey. I love jorts. They’re really comfortable, and stylish.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it must be great to be Mississippi State right now. Here guys, you get to play against a team who’s already played a game today. Seriously though, it’ll be pretty pathetic if Miss. State loses. If I know anything, it’s that the Bulldogs will come out on top.

Big Foot Fool: What are you on crack? No one comes out on top in this game… Basketball loses.
F-2 Tornado 1Basketball 0
Okay so Tennessee will probably take down Arkansas in the game this afternoon, and Miss. St. can sleep through the game against UGA. I say Tennessee takes the tournament by 20 points over Miss. St.

JTExperience: Dude, whatever. Arkansas is SO going to win. We can’t be stopped. We’re unstoppable, if you will. We’ll run all over Tennessee this afternoon, then even though Jamont Gordon is stacked like a muh-effin’ Adonis (no homo), the Razorbacks will Michael Vick all over the bulldogs.

Big Foot Fool: Effin’ homer.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Dolphins win?

Holy Hell!?!

This blows... I wanted 0-16

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Psycho Fan Expectations

I'm sick of it.

I read a LOT about sports. I read many articles discussing everything from Tennis to College Football to Track and Field. Most of what I read is college football, and I get dissappointed from time to time when I read an article and Arkansas (MY TEAM) doesn't get any attention alongside the competition.

We recently lost Houston Nutt. All signs point to him being fired and allowed to go out looking good and with his pockets lined by the stupidest University Official, Chancellor John White, who is a good Chancellor, but he needs to stay out of the athletic program. Members of the national media are saying that the reason he is gone, and the reason why a coach wouldn't want to come to Arkansas is because our fan base has ridiculous expectations.

I wish they would label it properly as SOME of our fan base has ridiculous expectations. A call went up throughout the Razorback nation before the North Texas game that if you thought Nutt should be gone, you should wear black to the game... It looked pretty Cardinal to me. Out of 70,000 fans, maybe 2,000 were wearing black. There were banners flying at some games, but it's not like the members of the Razorback Foundation planned that. It was just some assholes on a message board.

So before people go around saying we have a psycho fan base without realistic expectations, look at it really. We do have some psycho fans, who have been given too much power in this day and age of the internet and FOIA requests to make their feelings known. But don't let anyone feed you this shit about our fans. Our fans have class and love for the team. Our fans have a respect for the past, and Houston will not be the one getting booed when Ole Miss comes to town next year. It will be the rebels who get booed.

Our fans did not cheer for the Mizzou Tigers last night, and they gave their all to help the razorbacks take a win over the tigers, but when Mike Anderson was introduced last night he got a 30 second standing ovation.

The Razorback Nation takes pride in their hogs, and we are all well aware of the massive improvement Houston was on the previous administration. If anyone can say that Houston was fired due to psycho fans with unrealistic expectation after the team just went 10-4 and 8-4 following two seasons of 5-6 and 4-7 they are blowing smoke right up your ass. If people want to say it was due to his off the field problems caused by himself, the coach he hired, and the players he recruited dealing with a small portion of the fan base that just wants to see passing, then you might have something. But otherwise, stay away from my team and my fellow fans.

WOO Pig Sooie!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Hello Dallas, Bye Bye Houston.

The Hogs are Cotton Bowl bound after crushing LSU's National Championship hopes in a 50-48 triple-overtime win in Baton Rouge.

Against pretty much the best defense team in the nation, the Razorbacks put up 513 yards total, with 388 of those on the ground in the "Battle for the Boot."

The LSU Tigers have not allowed a 100 yard rusher all season.
Darren McFadden had 206. And 3 touchdowns. And one TD throw.

What's a guy got to do to win a Heisman around here?
As amazing as he was, it was a team effort. LSU had no answer to the triumvirate of McFadden-Jones-Hillis. Along with D-Mac's 3 touchdowns, Hillis had 3, and Jones was crucial in OT, running in the final 2-point conversion.

Poor wikkle tigers.
Lose their title hopes, and most likely their coach to the Wolverines.

Speaking of...Sorry Houston. You've pulled out the biggest win of your Arkansas career, but you're still out. All that this proves is your inconsistency. I wish you well, but (as a UA student and Razorback fan) I'm not sorry to see you go. Well done, but...holla' atcha boy.

But that's for later. Until then, I'll see you guys at the Cotton Bowl.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Stop Teasing Us

Hog fans all across Arkansas were belabored by news outlets and more informing us that Houston Nutt was out at the end of the year. Fired. Gone. Ended. No longer in Fayetteville, but it was all lies... apparently.

I still love the e-mail I got from the school news paper with breaking news, that the sports editor had confirmed it.

The school released information later saying that it was all rumors and blah blah blah.

Who cares. I'd be interesed in how many phone calls and e-mails the athletic department and Chancellor White recieved and which way they went. At this point, it's basically stuff like this that could distract our team and make us lose lose lose. Or could enspire them, but sometimes even inspired teams can lose with bad coaching.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Whatda F--k's up?

Tennis doesn't really make sense to me. I mean I love the sport, and I love watching the games and the matches, but the tournaments usually don't make a lot of sense to me. Same thing with Soccer, but I only have to talk about that once every four years, so I'll hold off until USA's next World Cup Flop.

This is the standings prior to day 6 at the Tennis Master's Cup in Shanghai. Federer was ranked number one to start the tournament and he starts off his round robin with the 4, 5, and 7 seeds. Meanwhile over in the Gold group, they have 2, 3, 6, and 8. I guess that's a fair balance, and I'm not exactly sure how I would choose to break up the round robin. I think the traditional style would be randomly assign first round matches, winners play each other and losers play each other, Go for three rounds until you have a 3-0 and 3 2-1 that way it's clear cut.

So anyway the way it looks right now... The gold group is decided, from there you have David Ferrer at 3-0 and Rafeal Nadal at 2-1. The red group, Andy Roddick (the other ARod) is through to the semifinals, but it's between Roger Federer and Fernando Gonzalez who gets the top spot. Gonzo already beat the swiss man, but unless Fed loses to Arod, Ferndando is going home, even if he beats the cheater Nikolay Davydenko.

Whatda F--k's up wit dat? If they are both 2-1, or 1-2, which should you look at first, head-to-head or Sets won and lost? I say head-to-head, but the Tennis master's cup round robin looks at sets won and lost... so when Fed was able to take 1 set from the Chilean, it was better than the win for Gonzo.

It looks like it will probably be a non-issue, as Fed hasn't lost to Roddick since August of '03 and Nikolay Daveydenko owns Gonzalez with a 3-0 record. It looks like it's gonna be 2-1 Fed and Roddick in the semis.

My other issue with tennis seeding is in all of the major tournaments. It's like you have 32 seeds right and 1 plays 17 and then 9 and then 5 and then 3. How can that sit right in any sports aficianado's mind? 1 plays 32 then 16, then 8, then 4. Sure they Number one seed still has the easiest road, but it just doesn't sit right with me.

This is a notice to Tennis. Cooperate! Do as you're told. Get your weirdo system in line with the sports in this nation, or I'll have to bust your balls internationally in all the countries that you are played in. I mean seriously... Whatda F--k's up?