Arkansas Press Conference: Texas Week

*Petrino talks to Agent on phone*

Petrino: Well how much are they offering?... Hmm I don't know how I feel about that city... No I don't have a problem with the air pollution... Well of course I'd quit coaching here in the middle of the season, but only tell them that if they offer me another mil...*to reporter* what was that?


Reporter: I said, Coach Petrino, How do you feel about Texas?

Petrino: Well, it's a good job, but I'm pretty sure they won't fire Mack Brown, and the whole state of Texas is pretty ridiculous.


Reporter: No, Coach, I mean the Texas game this weekend.


Petrino: Oh well it should be a good one, they pay Brown a lot of money, you pay me a lot of money, Everybody should get rich.


Reporter: How do you think the games going to turn out?


Petrino: Why should I give a fuck? As long as we don't beat the spread, I still win a cool $50,000.

*goes back to cell phone*


Petrino: Yeah, I know that I'm not looking to good at Arkansas right now... Well they left the cupboard bare. Besides if it doesn't work out, it's pretty easy to get out of a coaching job by saying that Michael Vick wasn't there. It worked last time.


Reporter: What did you do to start this weekend?


Petrino: Hold on let me get rid of these reporters *back to press* I went on some recruiting trips.


Reporter: Were there any good prospects?


Petrino: Well, I like the facilities and location at UCLA, but I don't know how I feel about being in Pete Carol's backyard. Arizona State was really nice though. Listen. I appreciate you all coming, but I've got a job to get... I mean do. Get in there Dick!

*Casey Dick bows down to him*

Dick: Yessir, Mr. Petrino, sir!
*Faces Reporters*


Dick: Hey dudes! What's shaking?


Reporter: Casey how prepared are you to deal with this Texas team?


Dick: Oh I was born ready! All I really needed was old Trigger here.


Reporter: Trigger?


Dick: BOOM!

*Flexes right arm and throws football out of reporters reach, into waiting arms of Alabama defensive back*

Reporter: Isn't that the kind of shenanigans that got you in trouble with Alabama?

Dick: No! I blame the wideouts. It was the offensive line's fault. The fans put too much pressure on me. Besides, where's the fun in playing Quarterback if you can't swing it all over the field?

Reporter: Maybe in Winning?

Dick: Fuck Winning! *Strikes Pose* Casey Dick for Heisman, bitches!

SEC Arkansas vs. South Carolina preview

Casey Dick always will hold the South Carolina game dear to his heart. Maybe it's not as gay as that, but his freshman year, Houston Nutt opened the floodgates by removing the redshirt as everywhere someone was trying to come up with the raunchiest way of saying "Dick to replace Johnson for Nutt against Cocks!" While he was mediocre in that first game, Razorback fans were more excited to see someone more like a gunslinger out there. His replacement of Mitch Mustain in 2006 to the tune of 11/19 for 228 yards(which is still his career high) wasn't bad, but it was Darren McFadden's career high 219 yards and 2 touchdowns that gave the hogs the lead that they wouldn't lose.

The Gamecock Defense is improved over last year going from 9th in the conference to 5th in the conference, but the rush defense has gotten a little worse. Darren McFadden and Felix Jones look to run hogwild over the Cocks, but with Darren McFadden injured and Wide Reciever Marcus Monk below full strength it looks like this game could be decided by the running games. though Blake Mitchell has never had spectacular games against the hogs, his 2nd half comeback nearly broke the hogs until Darius Vinnet picked him off to seal the game for the razorbacks.

The keys to the game will be defense. How well South Carolina can stack the line to stop the run and how well Arkansas secondary can cover the pass. Arkansas started off the season ranked 10th in total defense, but in the month of October the hogs were 1st in defense as they fed on a steady diet of cupcakes, a low scoring game with Auburn, and the most pathetic team in the SEC, Ole Piss.

The other question will be if Casey Dick can throw it well enough. The hogs might be in trouble if they have to see this too much.

Bigfootfool Game Prediction

South Carolina 31
Arkansas 17

Arkansas may have been able to move the ball against Ole Miss, but that doesn't mean squat. The razorbacks passing defense was lucky enough to scare Auburn from attacking the secondary and forced them to use the ground game. With a wily coach on the other sideline like Nick Saban expect the Gamecocks to be able to score against this defense. All of the defensive momentum the razorbacks have is false belief and this game will expose them. South Carolina's defense is one of the best in the league and with Darren McFadden's sore ribs, expect them to beat him around the corner and drop him for loss.

JTExperience Game Prediction:

I think you give these defenses too little credit. I see this a slugfest, much like the Auburn game. S.C. is coming off a tough loss to the Vols, and the Razorbacks have turned the corner. D-Mac might not be at full strength, but Felix is teabagging dudes all over the place. The way I see it:

Arkansas 20
S.C. 16

Go Hogs. Beat Cocks.