SEC Arkansas vs. South Carolina preview

Casey Dick always will hold the South Carolina game dear to his heart. Maybe it's not as gay as that, but his freshman year, Houston Nutt opened the floodgates by removing the redshirt as everywhere someone was trying to come up with the raunchiest way of saying "Dick to replace Johnson for Nutt against Cocks!" While he was mediocre in that first game, Razorback fans were more excited to see someone more like a gunslinger out there. His replacement of Mitch Mustain in 2006 to the tune of 11/19 for 228 yards(which is still his career high) wasn't bad, but it was Darren McFadden's career high 219 yards and 2 touchdowns that gave the hogs the lead that they wouldn't lose.

The Gamecock Defense is improved over last year going from 9th in the conference to 5th in the conference, but the rush defense has gotten a little worse. Darren McFadden and Felix Jones look to run hogwild over the Cocks, but with Darren McFadden injured and Wide Reciever Marcus Monk below full strength it looks like this game could be decided by the running games. though Blake Mitchell has never had spectacular games against the hogs, his 2nd half comeback nearly broke the hogs until Darius Vinnet picked him off to seal the game for the razorbacks.

The keys to the game will be defense. How well South Carolina can stack the line to stop the run and how well Arkansas secondary can cover the pass. Arkansas started off the season ranked 10th in total defense, but in the month of October the hogs were 1st in defense as they fed on a steady diet of cupcakes, a low scoring game with Auburn, and the most pathetic team in the SEC, Ole Piss.

The other question will be if Casey Dick can throw it well enough. The hogs might be in trouble if they have to see this too much.

Bigfootfool Game Prediction

South Carolina 31
Arkansas 17

Arkansas may have been able to move the ball against Ole Miss, but that doesn't mean squat. The razorbacks passing defense was lucky enough to scare Auburn from attacking the secondary and forced them to use the ground game. With a wily coach on the other sideline like Nick Saban expect the Gamecocks to be able to score against this defense. All of the defensive momentum the razorbacks have is false belief and this game will expose them. South Carolina's defense is one of the best in the league and with Darren McFadden's sore ribs, expect them to beat him around the corner and drop him for loss.

JTExperience Game Prediction:

I think you give these defenses too little credit. I see this a slugfest, much like the Auburn game. S.C. is coming off a tough loss to the Vols, and the Razorbacks have turned the corner. D-Mac might not be at full strength, but Felix is teabagging dudes all over the place. The way I see it:

Arkansas 20
S.C. 16

Go Hogs. Beat Cocks.

Weekly "F--k You"s.

We're starting a weekly (and maybe more often) "Fuck You" section. Each week, we'll choose a person, team, city, state, country, entity, establishment, object, or combination of the aforementioned to give a hearty "Fuck you." Enjoy.

This week's "Fuck You": The City of Boston.

City of Boston, and sports fans of teams from that shithole,

Fuck you.

I mean, seriously. You can help yourselves to a shovelfull of cock.

You raucously lament the state of Boston sports and how you're the most tortured fanbase of them all, balancing that delicately with an outcry of "Why can't everyone else be happy with our success? Well, let me tell you: Hardly anyone likes it when teams win that are not your own. As KSK so eloquently put it,

Any team that wins a title that is not your team is fucking annoying.

So get over it if we don't orgasm every time you guys win a title and start exuding strong odors of douche all over the place.

As for these teams torture you as a fanbase...shit, which team is that?

Certainly not your baseball team, who won the World Series a mere 3 years ago after having unprecedentedly come back from a 3-0 deficit in the ALCS. Oh yeah, and you've just come back from a 3-1 deficit AGAIN to enter the World Series, where you now stand with a 2-0 lead over America's streaking darlings, the Rockies. Those guys had a great story...why are you ruining it? Anyways, the source of your discontent and tortured souls couldn't possibly be from baseball.

What about basketball? Oh, yes, the Celtics have been rather poor lately...I almost feel bad for them. Almost. The 16 championship banners lofted above their hallowed court dry my sympathetic tears. For God's sake, it's about damned time other teams were winning them! But this doesn't stop you tea-drinkin' muthafuckas from bitching about your Celties, with their disgruntled demi-star, karmic-killing tanking, and not even getting Kevin Durant for their troubles. But, oh wait, this is Boston. You guys just buy a new team when you get bad, like your buddies (hah) the Yankees. Hey Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen: You guys want to play over here with Paul Pierce in a weak Eastern conference?
KG and Ray Allen: "Yes, please."
Fuck building a team, you'll just buy one to get an almost assured Finals appearance. No, I'm sure it's not basketball that causes such anguish.

It must be football then!

Right. With your Patriots that are pretty much becoming the best team of all time. Those Patriots that not only kick the shit out of every team they play, rape their mothers, and sodomize their pets, but are led by Tom Brady, of whom every normal other man alive is (justifiably) supremely jealous. Yeah, those Patriots.

Maybe it's your #2 BCS-ranked Boston College Eagles, whose Heisman Contender (HA!) Matt Ryan just pulled off a dramatic last-second comeback last night. No...saddened though you may be that the ranking system is so fucked up to have your overrated asses at #2, this can't possibly cause the kind of agony and distress that you so bewail.

I'm not even going to talk about Bill Simmons. Fuck him.

Bostonians are so annoying with their messed-up accents and using that damned Good Will Hunting line over and over again.

So to use the vernacular: Fack you, Bwaustin. You and your douchebag fans can go facking fellate yourselves. How do you like them apples?

Gettin' Money is my Sport

Long time no entry, but frankly, besides some tennis and All-Star Baseball, we're in the dog days of sports where NOTHING is going on. Nothing. Except WNBA; whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

But, a few small items of note have occured over the past couple weeks, including some big free agent signings and some summer league crap.

First of all, WTF MATE?!?!?! Rashard Freaking Lewis was signed to a 127 million dollar, 6 year contract!!!

I mean, he's a good player and all....but not 127 million good. Homeboy will still be pulling 20 million and more down when he's on the wrong side of 30...and coupled with Dwight Howard's contract, the Magic are tied up for years to come. Good for a 5th seed in the East every year; woo.

A very comparable player G-Wallace, was signed for a VERY reasonable 57 million for 6.

So apparently, the 4.3 points that Shard averages more than Crash are worth 70 million dollars. I politely beg to differ. Gerald has better numbers in rebounding, assists, blocks, steals, and is younger. So WTF is going on in Orlando?

Portlant bought out Stevey Franchise's contract, so he's free to go to the Clippers to be with his soulmate partner "buddy" Cuttino Mobley. He said he would be "made whole" by reuniting with Cat Mobley. I just say, whatever floats your boat there, Steve.



This brings us to the piece de resistance, my girl Miss Gossip's interview with Greg Oden. I wish she'd marry me...she's a Suns fan and everything...it would be so beautiful....

anyways, this is all over the internet tubes, and for good reason; it's tight as hell.




"That was not an infection, believe me." "I was completely sober! She was just backin' it up real good..."

Greg is probably one of the realest dudes in the league. Keep lookin' up brutha.

To round it up, we got Darko going to my Memphis bruthas (relatively cheap, good fit; he'll blossom. Darko has been freed.), Chauncey Billups re-upped wit Detroit for a reasonable payroll, and GRANT HILL'S GOING TO PHOENIX. That last is bitchin'. They got a great guy and great player for CHEAP, and if his ankle holds up anytime at all, it's a STEAL.

Shout out to Fanhouse for the vid , and The Cavalier at Yaysports for the second picture.

And to my boy Marcus Banks for dropping 42 in the summer leagues, which proves that summer leagues are shit.

Holla'

Attention NBA General Managers and Coaches

BigFootFool: Tonight you guys have some tough decisions to make. It's like taking a final exam in college or high school. Many of you will blow it off and Christmas Tree this test... or Pick C everytime... Knicks Front Office, I'm looking in your direction... Your decisions tonight will affect the next year and possibly the next ten years of your career. Many of you have done very well in the past on this test and have a system in place that allows you to plug many of these prospects in and for them to be successful, but it doesn't mean you should make your picks lightly, Spurs, Pistons, Suns and Mavs. Some of you have bad systems in place and need to figure out how to get around that... once again Knicks I'm looking in your direction. We're gonna skip over the Remedial Portion of the exam that the trailblazers and the Supersonics are taking. There are only two answers and they are both correct.

First things First. Draft Good players. Draft someone that will be around. Don't draft a bench warmer. That being said draft to fill a hole on your team also. Don't draft someone just because they are the best player left in the draft. For example...Last year the Hawks took a Small Forward. On their practice exam they put down "take a small forward, I don't care who he is". Last year the Hawks failed this exam and almost got lucky enough that they could've taken the remedial exam. So Atlanta Hawks, I want you to write down this statement "Don't Draft a small Forward".

Memphis. Last year you went from a playoff team(albeit swept in 4 games) to a team with not just a bad record, but a terrible record. I'm tempted to say draft a big man, but being a Memphis fan I don't wanna see Joakim Noah there, plus he's not the banger you would need. He's just another European ( wait a minute he went to college in Floriduh...Look it up... he's French) wussy like Pau Gasol. Get a Point Guard. Teach him to shoot threes and it will be like having Jason Williams all over again except not so white.

Boston. You need a good coach, but you can't draft that. Honestly the Offense is there with this team if the defense could get up to the same level. Corey Brewer is a good defensive player that has good offense, too. He could've jumped pro last year especially with his family's financial situation, but he chose to stay and helped rack up another college title. Good character guy. Take Corey Brewer, or take Yi JianLian and trade him. And hire a new coach. His scores on his coaching aptitude test are WAY low.

ok, so there are a few equations you need to understand:

Previously many of you have used these equations:

Players ability to be picked = 1/2Hype + 1/2Foreignness (i.e. Darko Milicic)

Pickability = 1/8Talent + 7/8individual collegiate success (i.e. Adam Morrison)

Pickability = WTF? (i.e. Renaldo Balkman)

Talent = PPG ranking in Foreign or Collegiate Ranks

Tonight use these equations:

Pickability = 5/8Talent + 3/8Team Needs

Pickability = 0*Foreigness + 0* Bad Attitude + 1/2Character + 1/2 Talent

Talent = Offensive + Defensive play

GMs I'll allow you to use this equation, too, but only if you are up front about it:

Pickability = Marketability + Profitability

So tonight when you are picking... Make the right call. Use your head and don't draft something that your owners will throw in your face when they drop you at the end of a 20 win season.

JTExperience: I agree with you for the most part, Bavetta; however, I gotta lay this down.

Portland and Seattle, if you draft anybody besides Kevin Durant or Greg Oden, you fail at life. Your team will be disbanded, or sold to OKC and Las Vegas, respectively. Just don't. No Sam Bowie's here. I pray that you won't make the same mistake twice, Portland. There's no way anyone who is not fucking batshit insane passes over a guy that is Bill Russel's older brother and a guy that is Kevin Garnett's and Tracy McGrady's love child. End of story.

Atlanta...Atlanta...I know how much you want to become Warriors-East, but please, for the love of all that is holy, don't draft a swingman. Your direst needs are at both ends of the spectrum: Big man and point guard. In a draft this stacked, get your big man, and pick up Acie Law IV with your 11th pick. Go big or go home. Draft Al Horford. He's tight as hell as a person, and a BEAST. He's ready to contribute RIGHT NOW.
No! NO! BAD! Do NOT draft another 6-8 guy! NO! Aw, fuckberries.

Memphis: Draft Al Horford. Wait, shit, he's already gone. Well, if Atlanta fucks up and takes a swingman (which is extremely likely), or takes Mike Conley Jr., take Horford. If not, take Mike Conley Jr. Kid is dope. Those are really the only two guys that Atlanta should take, so it follows that you should pick the other. However, Conley is NOT like Jason "3-ball anytime, anywhere" Williams, as my counterpart seems to want; he's a LOT whiter than J-Will.

Ok Boston "Best Young Talent in the League" Celtics...don't fuck up and take that Chinese guy. Just don't. Please. You don't need another 'project.' Also, I want so, so dearly to see him on the Warriors; adding a 7-foot swingman would make them the dopest team in the league, bar none. David J. Stern, this has to happen.
You've got a good young big in Al Jefferson, and you have a disgruntled superstar swingman...so...you really have no excuse for not winning more games in the Leastern Conference. That's freaking pathetic. And a lot of good your tanking asses did, because now you get to draft...Corey Brewer! Damn, we keep agreeing here.
Also, fire your coach. He blows. Throw out your GM while you're at it. He blows too.

The rest of the draft is a crapshoot. There are some good players...whatever. All I know is, Spencer Hawes will get picked WAY too high, Jeff Green will probably be picked WAY too low, and Yi Jianlin had BETTER fucking go to the Warriors. I have to see Yi and Stephen Jackson playing together.

Do NOT pick a guy based solely on his workouts playing against a chair or against 40+ year old assistant coaches. Also, do not pick Johnny McCollege because he averaged 33.5 points a game at PissAnt U. Basically, don't fuck up, or everyone hates you. Good thing the Knicks don't have a lottery pick; at least now they don't fail the test automatically.

NBA Draft: Explaining It to a Chick

BigFootFool: Ok, so your'e having trouble understanding why guys are getting all worked up about the NBA draft, huh? Well how can I put this in terms you understand...

Ok, So Grey's Anatomy is that show with the doctors that have too much sex and not enough life saving. So imagine that the Portland Trailblazers are the weird looking chick on the show that all the male doctors seems to like. I think the show is named after her, but anyway. She has first pick over all the guys, and so Tonight on ESPN she's going to pick one of the guys, but the thing is it doesn't matter which one she picks because she'll ultimately make bad decisions in other areas and self-destruct until that player becomes a Free Agent (has been around her long enough to get sick of her whining and attempts to kill herself) and goes to a better team and wins an NBA championship.

Ok and how to describe the rest of the field... Basically, you have like 16 teams that aren't like that and the rest all do the same thing. They pick someone that could be a great player, but make bad decision after bad decision until they self-destruct.

You get it now?

JTExperience: That is a very accurate description.

Although, I don't know how you could have "too much sex," as alleged in your third sentence. I guess if the sex cuts in to the lifesaving...then yeah. Really though, that's only bad if you are the one whose life needs saving. Otherwise...nah. Go to it.

Bitch Kissed Me and Didn't Call Back

What it do baby?

This is Barkley vs. Bavetta, a point/counterpoint commentary and discourse on the world of sports.

I'm the JTExperience, and my cohorts and I will give our somewhat opposite views, opinions, attitudes, and assessments, and try to make it somewhat amusing and entertaining. That's the main goal: to make it funny. No bullshit analysis here, just what bloggers and commenters love: jokes and arguing.

Part of that last falls to you, the commenter. You of Deadspin, KSK, and Yaysports ilk are quite the humourists on these internets. Be so here.

We'll blog chiefly about the NBA, NFL, and college sports with a smattering of MLB and other miscellany. Or whatever else comes to mind.

Inspiration for our name obviously comes from that singular event during this year's NBA All-Star Weekend, the race between Charles Barkely and Dick Bavetta. Our discourse will often be as if these two were debating. I'm Barkely, while my counterpart BigFootFool is Bavetta, (especially the old and crusty part).

Here it is, case you missed it:




Just like BigFootFool is when Brady Quinn walks by, let's laugh long and hard about this sports world; there's plenty of material for it.

Cheers.