Gettin' Money is my Sport

Long time no entry, but frankly, besides some tennis and All-Star Baseball, we're in the dog days of sports where NOTHING is going on. Nothing. Except WNBA; whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

But, a few small items of note have occured over the past couple weeks, including some big free agent signings and some summer league crap.

First of all, WTF MATE?!?!?! Rashard Freaking Lewis was signed to a 127 million dollar, 6 year contract!!!

I mean, he's a good player and all....but not 127 million good. Homeboy will still be pulling 20 million and more down when he's on the wrong side of 30...and coupled with Dwight Howard's contract, the Magic are tied up for years to come. Good for a 5th seed in the East every year; woo.

A very comparable player G-Wallace, was signed for a VERY reasonable 57 million for 6.

So apparently, the 4.3 points that Shard averages more than Crash are worth 70 million dollars. I politely beg to differ. Gerald has better numbers in rebounding, assists, blocks, steals, and is younger. So WTF is going on in Orlando?

Portlant bought out Stevey Franchise's contract, so he's free to go to the Clippers to be with his soulmate partner "buddy" Cuttino Mobley. He said he would be "made whole" by reuniting with Cat Mobley. I just say, whatever floats your boat there, Steve.



This brings us to the piece de resistance, my girl Miss Gossip's interview with Greg Oden. I wish she'd marry me...she's a Suns fan and everything...it would be so beautiful....

anyways, this is all over the internet tubes, and for good reason; it's tight as hell.




"That was not an infection, believe me." "I was completely sober! She was just backin' it up real good..."

Greg is probably one of the realest dudes in the league. Keep lookin' up brutha.

To round it up, we got Darko going to my Memphis bruthas (relatively cheap, good fit; he'll blossom. Darko has been freed.), Chauncey Billups re-upped wit Detroit for a reasonable payroll, and GRANT HILL'S GOING TO PHOENIX. That last is bitchin'. They got a great guy and great player for CHEAP, and if his ankle holds up anytime at all, it's a STEAL.

Shout out to Fanhouse for the vid , and The Cavalier at Yaysports for the second picture.

And to my boy Marcus Banks for dropping 42 in the summer leagues, which proves that summer leagues are shit.

Holla'

A Grunt Match

When a Williams Sister plays the hotness, and the canon powershooting Maria Sharapova you can guarantee three things.

1) The Williams Sister will win
2) The Screaming will scare small children and delight young boys
3) Maria Sharapova will be SO smoking hot that I will almost forget my homering love for America and be tempted to cheer for her.

But seriously. Maria Sharapova now wants to be a Bond Girl. She should get something else in her tennis game. Learn how to do a drop shot... Learn how to come to the net. Find a different part of your game that will actually give you a chance to beat the best. What have you done since your Wimbledon win 3 or 4 years ago? A win at the U.S. Open last year over a recently divorced Justine Henin... Ok, but that's about it. I enjoy the Canon Commercials though, but next time learn to diversify your game or you'll be an after thought in a few years. You'll never be able to win with the hard hitting, screaming style of tennis as long as you have the pioneers of that style back out and closer to healthy doing it better than you.




USA! USA! USA! USA! We did it. We have reestablished ourselves as the most gluttonous nation in the world in Commanding fashion. The competitors lined up for the 92nd running at Surf and Stillwell and 576.5 hot dogs and 144,125 Calories later you have yourself an American champion dominating the slack jawed asian by 3 dogs complete with a regurgitation as Takeru Kobayashi gagged on the giant american weiners so completely swallowed by the mighty, white man from San Jose, California. Long Live Joey Chestnutt... King of Eating and King of our Great Cholestorol Clogged American Hearts.

Old Man Style

I'm a big tennis fan, but the only reason I've ever really chosen to cheer for the Williams Sisters comes from the fact that I'm such a Homer. An American Homer. You gotta love the way these girls came on the scene and looked so dominate. They were so good, and then they started getting injury after injury after injury. There injuries are the ones I am proud of people for having. Too much playing and trying too hard. Yesterday I found myself, along with about 13,000 fans at Centre Court in Wimbledon, England, cheering on the younger of the most bootylicious pair of Tennis sisters to ever grace the sport.

Why?

All of the sudden it looked like she was the underdog. Following the 1st set which Serena won, she and Daniela Handtuchova both got a break and fought to a 5-5 tie in the 2nd set. During Handtuchova's serve Serena begins hitting her calf after it tightened up with a cramp. And it's not one of those fake injuries that you see Soccer and Basketball players go down with. This is Calf seizing up and looking like it's gonna pop right off her freaking leg. She goes down and takes a medical time out to get it taken care of. She has to get back up after the time out is over and then loses that game to go down 6-5 and has her serve to take it to a tiebreaker.

Playing like this through the next game not even being able to serve with her normal orgasmic quality, she serves 98 and 108 mph for 2 of her serves only using an arm serve. She is walking around the court playing Old Man tennis like the 80 year old men down at your local tennis court that will whoop you like you're playing with a wooden racquet. So her old man play gets her to 40-30 while down 5-6 for the second set and she serves 110 mph ace!

Props to Serena. They go to the tiebreaker and Handtuchova takes it to her like she should. No mercy and they get to 2-4 Handtuchova in the tiebreaker and then the rain comes. The rain starts pouring down and the crowd actually cheered. For an American! That my friends is ridiculous. So after the rain delay Handtuchova wins the tie breaker, but Serena goes on to win the match in thrilling fashion complete with begging the chair to let her take a bathroom break which he denies her during Handtuchova's serve. Old Man Tennis at it's best.

In another case of Old Man sporting I take you to Roger Clemens and his 350th win. Soon to turn Ancient as he will become 45 next month Roger took it to the Minnesota Twins and held them to two hits. Old Man Pitching from the Rocket has led him to forcing many more groundballs and he finally had the chance to relax on the mound after the Yankeee bats came alive in the 6th and put up some run support. You have to love that gut. I think it's actually helping him pitch now. But you can't deny that old bastard still has some guns! I have my ticket to the gun show... Looks like the twins just got theirs.