Sunday, August 26, 2007

Friday, August 17, 2007

You got it Right, but you're still wrong

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=forde_pat&id=2977178&sportCat=ncf

I've had it with Pat Forde. He's correct that the SEC is a much better conference than the Pac-10 and that if you go team by team the SEC would win, but what's the deal with the Fan ratings. No one cares... The fans don't play football.

USC vs. LSU - I'll give this one to USC just because they are more proven

Cal vs. Florida - Florida has the edge

UCLA vs. Tennessee - Vols Roll

Oregon St. vs. Auburn - Auburn

Oregon vs. Georgia - Oregon

Arizona St. vs. Arkansas - Arkansas

Arizona vs. Alabama - Arizona

Washington St. vs. South Carolina - SC

Washington vs. Kentucky - Kentucky

Stanford vs. Ole Miss - Ole Miss

7-3 and I think I was being generous to the Pac-10. Base it on the play Forde... I don't care about the Georgia fans throwing things at Auburn players... If you cover THAT you better cover them throwing things at the band members in a game that they won!

Arkansas Skill Players

I use that term skill loosely, but the starters for the Razorbacks on offense currently sit at:

QB: Casey Dick
RB: Darren McFadden
FB: Peyton Hillis
WR: Marcus Monk
WR: Reggie Fish
TE: Andrew Davie

Coach Reggie Herring of “ We aren’t happy, ” Herring replied, “ until we go undefeated and date the prom queen. ”, has often done his best to make sure he has the best players on the field period. If he has 4 awesome Defensive Tackles and no good Defensive Ends... He makes two DTs into two DEs. It's always about having the best players on the field... I think Houston Nutt should take that approach, so here I have the new starters in the skill positions.

QB: Darren McFadden (RB)
RB: Micheal Smith (RB)
FB: Farod Jackson (FB)
WR: Marcus Monk (WR)
WR: Felix Jones (RB)
TE: Peyton Hillis (FB)

Let the games begin!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

No love for the Tigers

"Nobody Loves me" claim the Tigers Adamantly as they squeeze the life out of an OU player in their '04 national championship.

The talk at Tiger practice is comging from the coaches saying "I don't love you, your momma don't love you... and your girlfriend doesn't love you, because while you're here at practice she's in the frat house doing 6 guys!"

These tigers are in need for love especially with the lack of national attention and hype headed their way this season. After 12 ESPN "experts" made their picks for the 2007 season the Tigers were shocked to find out that, though all 12 of them had picked them to win the SEC West, only 10/12 of the writers and analysts picked them to win the SEC title game.

The tigers and their mothers(who apparently do love their little tiger cubs) are currently writing to Pat Forde and Jim Donnan for claiming that Florida is better than the LSU Tigers. They are also upset about the fact that their preseason hype has only carried them to the theoretical preseason National Championship 3 out of those 10 times and all of those writers predicted them to lose to USC (All 12 writers picked USC to win the national championship... Way to get dangerous there boys).

Meanwhile the Razorbacks are over in Hog Country getting their special love from coach Herring. " We aren't happy, " Herring replied, " until we go undefeated and date the prom queen. "

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Just Ignore it, Maybe it'll just go away.

So they play "football", but it's probably the only football that I'm not interested in. I say this lightly, it MAY be more entertaining than Preseason NFL.

I am speaking of course about the Western Athletic Conference. The things the WAC can brag about...


We have ridiculous passing numbers

We run the best trick plays.


We have this one team that has a blue field.
Those last two points bring me to the team this particularly rough ridicule is going to be directed at. Who cares?
Boise get over yourselves. It's a farce that you even made it into the BCS last year and it is even more ridiculous that you won. Chokelahoma needs to just stop playing bowl games and enjoy their regular season success. Is anyone going to be watching any WAC games besides Boise St. vs. Hawaii this next season? I can't believe I'm going to be interested in that one.
So the media and everyone else loves the midmajors in basketball. If they dominate their conference all season long and win their conference championship, then they can go through 6 more games to prove themselves. The midmajors in football are just annoying, because they can't prove themselves. I think you could expand the BCS to a playoff game and have the WAC play C-USA, and the MAC play Sun-Belt, but that would be more games for these teams to play with their piece of shit depth and there limited collection of trick plays. Plus none of those teams would be deserving of the BCS unless they had beaten someone of consequence.
I am proud of Boise State fans for not complaining that they won a disputed national championship or any of that crap. I'm getting sick of Boise and I just won't them to drift off back into obscurity where they belong. Pac-10 should throw them a line and let them in though. USC needs some more punching bags.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Homer In



I like the Arkansas Razorbacks. They are my team for this year and every year to come. So, despite my homering love for the razorbacks, I think I have a pretty accurate idea of what is going to happen this next season and I'm going to share those predictions with you right now.



Sept. 1st in Fayetteville Hogs beat Troy St.
The Hog Faithful have hyped this up as the 3rd game in a row between the hogs and the USC Trojans, asking the Troy St. players and small contingent of fans to just play along. When the USC players make passes or get tackled or whatever, the PA announcer will use USC player names like Reggie Bush, Carson Palmer, Matt Leinart, Troy Polamalu, and even ineligible sophomores Damian Williams and Mitch Mustain. The Broyles Center continues to use this victory as a rallying point for Hog Fans for the rest of the season. Final Score (54-10)



Sept. 15th in Fayetteville Hogs lose to Nick Saban
No, not against Alabama. The hogs play Nick Saban to a close game, but his $4 mil a year is too powerful for the players and their lack of salary. The Alabama players come to the game, but after a demoralizing loss to Vandy the week before Saban chooses to not let any of them play, except a few downs where John Parker Wilson just chucks it at the end zone and Nick Saban runs 80 yards and catches it despite the hogs quadruple coverage. Thinking that at least Nick Saban can't cover all 4 wideouts on defense the hogs employ a spread offense, but the quarterbacks fail to complete passes to wide open recievers with (as Casey Dick says), "Him looking at me that way." Final Score (13-38)



Sept. 22nd in Fayetteville Hogs beat Kentucky
Andre Woodson and the Wildcats roll in to Fayetteville with their chins up following a loss to Louisville the week before. "I don't know why they have their chins up," says Reggie Herring, "if I lose to a team from the Big East I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror without wanting to commit suicide." The hogs jump out to a 38-10 lead at halftime, but Houston feeling sporty and remembering how much fun the 2003, 7 overtime thriller was in Lexington, decides he wants the home fans to get the same experience. With the hogs having the power to completely dictate every aspect of the game, coach Rich Brooks gets tired of watching his non-factor team get tossed around the field for 9 overtimes and tackles Darren McFadden himself getting himself suspended and earning a 501 tattoo that the Razorbacks star running back forces him to get after the game is over. Final Score (79-71)



Sept. 29th in Fayetteville Hogs roll over North Texas
A coach who went 79-1 in a state where it is tougher to play high school football than it is to play Big East football is a scary prospect. While the coaching may be supreme, the talent just won't be there to keep the hogs out of the endzone a pornographic number of times. After the horror of watching the Razorbacks belittle the Nice Green, The rookie Coach, Todd Dodge, wakes up the next day and drives to Southlake and begs for his old job back. Final Score (55-7)

Oct. 6th in Little Rock Hogs defeat UT Chattanooga
Why are the mocks even playing football? The Hog schedulers are taking a spot reserved for perennial Sunbelt loser Lousiana Monroe, and replacing it with a team that frankly can't play football. The starters on this team couldn't win the University of Arkansas Intramural league. Darren McFadden, Felix Jones, Marcus Monk, and Peyton Hillis don't even dress out for this game. They hang out in the student section with H-O-G-S painted on their chests, but they stand in the wrong order the whole game so it says "GOSH". Houston Nutt lets the Razorback fans in attendance pick the plays by text messaging him. Final Score (55-0)

Oct. 13th in Fayetteville Hogs lose to Auburn
Auburn is a solid team and The Cox are just too much better than the lone Dick. While the running games are both very solid, the defenses will prove too powerful to let either one by. The Razorbacks weak secondary will allow the Cox to plunge the ball down their throats time after time after time. Look for the Hogs to rally when Nutt uses Nathan "The Vagina" Emert in the 3rd and 4th quarter as his Vaginal Skills will spur the hogs to a too little, too late comeback. Final Score (27-35)

Oct. 20th in Oxford Hogs Beat Ole Miss Rebels
Oxford is place where the hogs spotty performances have resulted in some bizarre games including a 7 overtime thriller in 2001. The hogs have been 2-2 in the last four games played in Oxford, but hope to prove their #4 place in the SEC West with a win over the Rebels. The hogs playing only their second road game start off shaky, but following a fumble by Benjarvus Green-Ellis, the hogs take advantage and take the game. Coach Orgeron eats his own head after the game and the rebels use their underused talent to go undefeated for the rest of the season, but the game ends Final Score (28-24)

Oct. 27th in Fayetteville Hogs beat Florida International
Following a home game against Miami in which the entire Florida International Team is suspended for using Hand Guns in a brawl, the game is forfeited. All of the fans still show up and watch Houston Nutt play the game on NCAA Football 2008 on the jumbo tron. The game is boring as Houston's only offensive play is "HB Dive". The beauty of the game is remarked on by several fans saying things like "It's like I'm really there" and "Darren McFadden looks so real". Houston Nutt loses to Florida in the game by a score of 14-6, but the actual game goes down as a win for the Hogs. Final Score (0-0)

Nov. 3rd in Fayetteville Hogs Edge Gamecocks
Steve Spurrier emits a string of unintelligible curses throughout the entire game. The old Ball coach can't understand why his pants keep falling down until he realizes that fellow old man, Frank Broyles and soon to be ex Athletic Director for the Hogs, pantses him at the beginning of the play, but Spurrier focuses on the play long enough for the agile Broyles to hide. The distractions to his coaching and the distraction to his players (his underwear that says "Fun and Gun") aid in the hogs in a narrow victory despite their weak secondary. Final Score (17-14)

Nov. 10th in Knoxville Hogs beat Tennessee
Frank Broyles is at it again trying to pants Tennessee coach Phil Fulmer, but as Phil doesn't even care about coaching the games anymore he catches the ancient trickster on his first try and has him thrown off to jail. The hogs indignant at the Jailing of their AD, proceed to listen to the Foo Fighters' song Hero and beginning playing a James Vander Beek, Varsity Blues style football with slow motion effects that the volunteers just don't understand. As the game progresses the strains of Rocky Top get slower and slower as the Hogs use their running game, a blocked punt, a kick off return for a touchdown, an interception return for a touchdown, and a long bomb for a touchdown as only the writers and directors of Hollywood can be so arrogant to believe are in every single football game. Final Score (38-35) *despite the apparent dominance by the Hogs

Nov. 17th in Little Rock Hogs beat Miss. St.
After being set free, Frank Broyles regains public approval using his superior fundraising skills to convince several rich fans to donate everything they own including their souls for the University of Arkansas and Razorback Athletics. Using the Souls of old rich people, the razorback players are given supernatural powers that don't help them play football but do help them improve their ability to make smart fiscal decisions. With the knowledge that they and their loved ones will be taken care of if something happens to them the Razorbacks play with wild abandon and issue a sound defeat to the Bulldogs. Final Score (42-21)

Nov. 23rd in Baton Rouge Hogs end LSU's national Title hopes on Thanksgiving.
The hogs shake off their weird desires for financial prosperity and Matlock and show up to play solid footbal for their final regular season game. The Tigers Senior day is marred by a defeat at the hands of the hogs superior running attack... Ok, who am I kidding. The Tigers are #1 in the country at this point and they have been dominating teams all season long. They have some spotty play at running back and quarterback sometimes, but the overall talent level of the offense and defense has kept them ahead of every team so far and against the hogs it will be no difference. Let's just hope no one gets hurt. Final Score (13-26)

There you have it. The Razorbacks season laid out for you. Final Record 9-3(5-3)

The hogs will take 3rd place in the SEC West after Nick Saban injures himself halfway through the season and has to let his players play again. They are actually #5 in the SEC edging out Tennessee and South Carolina, but behind LSU, Auburn, Florida, and Georgia. Auburn will get the Sugar Bowl game and Florida Capital One. Outback Bowl will pick up Georgia and Arkansas will finally get that Cotton Bowl appearance they've been wanting for years.

The hogs will be taking on a Big 12 team which will fall to the mighty rushing of Darren McFadden. Ending in a 10-3 season where fans will once again be asking for Houston Nutt's head. We will hear over and over again for the following 9 months, "despite a 10 win season and a Heisman Trophy winning first overall pick of the NFL Draft, Houston Nutt is on the hot seat as Arkansas fans are demanding a BCS bowl". Don't you get sick of it?

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Are you crying?




There's no Crying in Baseball


And Barry Bonds didn't.


We don't talk about Baseball on here, though, do we?

Lots of fans are crying though.

If you do wanna talk about Baseball though the better story is the batters hit by pitch in the Yankees vs. Bluejays game! That's a story.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

So This Guy has to be the funniest guy I have ever read online. He obviously has no clue.

Pretty sweet Tattoo by the way Darren. Let me know the last time you had to hold a clip board. At least you could hold a clip board as opposed to the way Steve Slaton can't even feel his own hand.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

What's so great about Sports?

So after being around for a little while the question might come up... What are you all about at BvB?

"I'm not a role model. " Charles Barkley
"Only poor people go to jail." Charles Barkley
"Arrogant, pompous, obnoxious, vain, cruel, verbose, a showoff. I have been called all of these. Of course, I am." Howard Cosell

I think that could sum it up huh? but after you get those major points out of the way... What're you left with. Sports. Now we may not like ALL sports, but we do love sports. We love competition.

"Because people sometimes miss it, and sometimes they don't have it, they want it. And when they have it, they don't want it." Roger Federer On rivalries

We all want some competition out there. So don't fault me for this, but I am going to be attending one of the days at the PGA Championships this next week. Not because I love golf, but because I love sports. I love watching peole compete.

"Hockey is a sport for white men . Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps. " Tiger Woods

Sports is an interesting world where a large percentage of people play sports, but a small percentage are very very good. We (those that are not very good) choose to watch sports because we can see something that we cannot do. A world is on display that keeps us informed of our inadequacies while we are entertained and enthralled. We watch the moves that our heroes use. We still take them out onto the basketball court and try to do the things that Dwayne Wade and Lebron James do. We try to go out there and bring in a touch down catch one handed or juke an opponent out of their shoes. And in our failures at performing those things that we witness from the players, we find ourselves and we find why we love sports so much.

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
Micheal Jordan