Weekly Picks (SEC edition): Week 5

Last week I was 10-5 on rivals pick 'em. Bringing me to 40-20, but I have actually moved up the rankings a little bit. I'll share my picks with you next week and tell you why I picked what I picked and what cruel twist of fate caused me to be wrong like the past 60 games have done to me. Here are the easy picks for this week. Very uninteresting SEC matches for the most part.

Alabama @ Florida St.
2 programs that have (at times) been at the pinnacle of college footall. Now where are they? Alabama fans think Saban is on the rise and FSU fans are biding there time. They know they can't make Bowden leave, but they will be mediocre until they find a new coach. What FSU fans don't know is that Bowden is really a corpse. With the Talent in Florida, FSU should be tearing up the ACC, but the Seminoles are actually sitting at 4th best of the 4 Florida schools.
Alabama over Florida St. 34 - 17

North Texas @ Arkansas
After two SEC losses and a stupid Offseason Hog Fans are ready to call the moving truck and have them knocking on Houston Nutt's Door. Fans on a message board have ordered a plane to fly over the Campus up until about 1 1/2 hours before the game on Saturday saying that "Fans and Players Deserve Better - Fire Nutt". Many people are labeling this as similar to the Zook incident, but the effort will be a little strange due to the fact that no Razorback fans will be there to see it for a non-conference clash against Tom Dodge's High School, Rent-a-W, Nice Green. Arkansas can't defend against the pass and gives up 300 yards through the air.
Arkansas over North Texas 52 - 27

Auburn @ Florida
TIMMY!!! Florida's offense is spectacular. After a poor showing by the team on the road at Ole "needs a mascot" Miss, the Gators are going to come back and prove to their fans in the Swamp that they can play football. Who better to do that with than this years 2nd biggest SEC dissappointment, the Auburn Tigers. Brandon Cox has lost it.
Florida over Auburn 42-17

Ole Miss @ Georgia
Matt Stafford and the Bulldogs have struggled somewhat after a loss to South Carolina, but they got some swagger back with a close win over Saban in Tuscaloosa. Ole Miss is reeling after a physical close game with the Gators. Coach O wants to prove his team is finally SEC worthy this season, but with this game @ Georgia it's not looking likely.
UGA over Ole Miss 35 - 21

Florida Atlantic @ Kentucky
Florida Atlantic is sitting atop the Sun Belt right now and looking a likely candidate to challenge Troy for dominance in the SEC's whipping boy conference. Rich Brooks squad has coached two tough come from behind victories for his team and Andre Woodson is getting his name mentioned for the Heisman despite his worst performance of the season at Arkansas last week. His fumble and allowing a Safety gave the hogs 8 points last week and nearly cost them the game. Kentucky has been known as a passing team, but the secret to this game will be the THREE-HEADED WILD CAT. Consisting of Rafael Little, Tony Dixon, and Derrick Locke. The three speedy backs torched Arkansas last week and will be going up against a much worse defense against the run.
Kentucky over Florida Atlantic 55-20

LSU @ Tulane
Tulane is Bad! LSU is good. LSU's offensive starters leave during the 2nd Quarter. Tulane's Offensive starters are either A) All eaten alive by Glen Dorsey before the 2nd half, B) All too injured by the middle of the 3rd Quarter, or C) All too afraid by the 4th Quarter after watching Glen Dorsey consume a live cow on the field.
LSU over Tulane 45-0

Mississippi St. @ South Carolina
Probably the most interesting SEC game in the fact that both teams have been playing better than expected this season. Only losses for these two teams have come against the greatest terror of the known world LSU. Steve Spurrier has decided to shuffle Quarterbacks, but what is the real secret behind all of this? Steve Spurrier has revealed himself by accident in the Georgia game to have been hiding behind his fun and gun explosive offenses at Florida. He is actually a great defensive coach and his team will grind it out behind Boyd and let the Bulldogs throw interceptions to them all game long. Sylvester Croom is making a last ditch effort to stay the coach of the bulldogs. If he wants to win this game he'll have to come up with a great rushing scheme for Anthony Dixon. The best player to play at Mississippi St. in a long time
USC over MSU 35 - 14

Tennessee has made it easier on all of our eyes by choosing not to play this weekend. They are gearing up for a "big" game against Georgia. It's pretty sad when Georgia vs. Tennessee next week won't count for anything in the SEC East race.

Eastern Michigan @ Vanderbilt
Vandy has come to the point where a MAC team shouldn't frighten them. Congrats Communists (red herrings). You are now an SEC football school. Eastern Michigan is bad even by MAC standards so hopefully even the socialists can't screw this one up. Vanderbilt students won't even show up for this game. They'll probably go study or something(drink beer). That's what you do in college right?
Vandy over Directional Michigan 42 - 14


I really went out on some limbs there I know. If I am wrong on some of these it just proves the one thing this season has been trying to prove.... Parity has come to college football!*DRAMATIC MUSIC*