(Door Flies Open)
Frank Broyles: Get up!
BFF: What?
FB: I said Get up! When I enter an office it becomes mine, it started that way when I was coaching up in Missourri and it's been that way ever since. I sit behind the desk. I'm in Houston Nutt's office so often he works from the visitors side of the desk.
BFF: Umm ok, let me get my stuff together.
(We switch places)
BFF: So Coach, thanks for meeting with me, I know you are a very busy man, and it's great of you to take time out of your busy schedule to meet with me.
FB: Well, son, my schedule isn't that busy it pretty much consists of me hounding Houston Nutt all day and making sure he doesn' F--k up MY Football program.
BFF: Oh, of course. So Saturday night must have been a very special night for you. Having all of those former players honoring you at halftime and having the field named after you. Even Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones came....
(Door Flies Open)
JJ: YEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAWWWW Mutha Fuc...
FB: Leave me alone Jerry!
JJ: But someone said my name
FB: I don't care if offered to give you a $10 handjob you're in my office now and you're gonna get the hell out of it right now! Go back to Dallas you crazy Bastard!
JJ: Yes sir
(Jerry Jones leaps out of the window and opens a parachute)
FB: Sorry about that, now where were we?
BFF: Oh, well I was asking you how it was to have such a special experience on Saturday with your last home game as Athletic Director.
FB: It sucked. They name the Field after me? I want the whole damn school named after me. It should be University of Frank Broyles with the team being called the Razorbroyles! People will call the Franks and the team will never throw another forward pass.
BFF: Oh well I'm sure you were honored by all the former players there though right?
FB: Oh sure, like I need more kissasses like Jerry Jones up my butt for a weekend. At least I got some Catfish out of it. We love catfish. You ever go Noodling?
BFF: Um no, what's noodling?
FB: Well basically, you stick your hand in a hole, and a catfish grabs it, and then you yank him out by the gills and you tell him to F--K OFF before you skin him and eat him. Best thing in the world.
BFF: That's very interesting, Coach can you tell me a little bit about the Athletic program at Arkansas? How have you been dealing with everything with the offseason scandals involing your head coach, recruits, and former Offensive Coordinator Gus Malzahn?
FB: Houston handled the whole thing terribly. First off, if it were me Gus wouldn't gotten a ticket on a Bus halfway through last season when his little supposed wunderkind threw his first interception. In my day we didn't pass that much. In my day you ran the ball and then ran the ball some more. You recruited wide recievers and told them you would pass to them, but then told them that you would only pass to them if they did a good job blocking. It was a brilliant system. With running the ball you control the clock and you put the fans in the stands into a stupor. Sure you may not win more than one disputed national championship, but you know what f--k them. Running the ball is the only way you can play football in Arkansas. As for Mitch Mustain, he and his mom can suck my big FAT--
BFF: Alright thanks for the interview coach any last words as we bring this interview to a close?
FB: Yes, I'd like to say something about the basketball team's 117-43 victory in exhibition Friday night.
BFF: Oh yeah, I saw that game it was really great.
FB: Are you blind son? That was terrible. I'm announcing Pelphrey's Firing immediately. I'm not gonna have any of that high flying, high scoring stuff. That's just why I fired Nolan Richardson. I want us to play slow methodical basketball that will put the fans into a stupor... Makes Concession sales go higher!
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